12:38 am, Monday January 14th 2011
“Run that by me again… slowly” It had felt like an eternity between sentences for Jane Byers since entering the Governor’s office. She had done what she thought was right, what nobody could deny was the right choice.
“There is nothing more to tell you, I apprehended Deveraux and…” Governor Loeb lifted his hand, a sense of dread came over Jane. No, not dread. Something else but of what she could not be certain.
“Not any o’ that stuff Miss Byers. I wanna know ‘ow exactly you got to that part?” his heritage coming through in his words. His West End London upbringing was something he was proud of and it resonated with his staff that he didn’t try and change who he was by acting better than they are. The Governor sat in silence waiting for the whole tale to be told, it was in that brief silence that Jane had tried to think of the suitable words to use. How she can best and eloquently describe the past nights events, but it wasn’t just that. She knew in order to tell this story and to finally lay to rest her demons she would have to go back; back to the very beginning, back to how she met ‘Him’, the Mad Hatter himself, Stephen Deveraux. “I suppose to tell this properly, I need to explain everything. Not to you, but to myself… because this was personal for me…”
Jane was a young woman by the time her family moved to England. When the Byers’ moved from Connecticut she was fourteen at the time and life was going pretty good. Jane Sawyer hated her name, so when her Mom remarried and changed her name to Byers she did the same, a new name, a new country and a new baby sister on the way. It would be this first week however she would learn life’s ultimate lesson. Nobody gets something for nothing, and every silver lining leads to a cloud. Her first day at school was hectic, her Dad had taken her Mother to work and since School wasn’t too far away she decided to walk. This wasn’t a great plan for Jane, however as she was terrible at getting out of bed in the morning, her dark blonde hair was nearly always unkempt due to her not even having the time to brush it, it was the usual look for her to just tie it back and let the wind do the rest. She was running late and it is perhaps this very fact that had made her make the only choice she’ll ever make in the next week. It was her first day at School, her first proper day, and how it was very nearly her last. She had noticed a car that kept circling the neighborhood. Perhaps Ford Escorts were just common place in Britain. It was something her older self would always remember, wishing her younger counterpart would have the sense she later has and not the naivety of youth. The car pulled up beside her and the passenger driver seat window rolled down. A red headed man leaned out, he was youthful looking and was wearing a dusty looking dark green jacket, white shirt and a tweed waistcoat. “Your late?” the words surprised Jane. “Excuse me?” asked Jane. The man smiled broadly “Your late, for a very important date?” she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t a little creeped out by his choice of words so all she could do was make a nervous chuckle. “School I mean, of course. You’re on your way correct?” Jane looked at her school books before realising her uniform had probably given her away “Yeah, it’s my first day”
“Mine too, I’m running late myself. I’m teaching English… I can give you a lift?” Naive she may very well of been, completely stupid, she was not. She refused to do anything foolish today. Not her first day “I’m not prone to getting into a car with strangers” The man nodded and carried on again up the road and Jane just let him. She let him get far enough that she felt safe again and continued toward school. When she arrived at the gates the playground was a ghost town, she looked at her watch and saw the time 9:15. ‘Shit‘ she thought to herself. She knew she was late and hurried into the building. She was walking down the main corridor checking in each of the classrooms looking for hers. She was looking for the number ten, for her English class. She noticed the shine of the golden numbers on the deep Oaken door. She walked over to the door and headed inside. She could not believe her eyes when she saw him standing there before her, the man from the car. He looked at her and smiled and nodded to an empty seat. “Class, I’d like you all to meet… sorry, what was your name?” Jane sat and looked around the class. Some of the boys seemed interested, a lot of the girls looked with contempt but none of them sat there with the intrigue in their eyes as the Teacher did. She smiled sheepishly and she didn’t know why. She stared into his eyes and responded very clearly “My name is Jane Byers”. The Teacher smiled and opened his drawer on the desk, he took out the register and added his name. Without looking upwards he spoke once again to the class “As you can probably tell by that slight cadence to her voice, she - aint from ‘round these parts - ” Jane found it charming that he impersonated her voice. He looked up at her again and then quickly turned to his blackboard and with swift strokes wrote on the board “… but for those few of you who don’t know me, my name is Mr Deveraux”
12:44 am, Monday January 14th 2011
“So let me get this straight, you knew Deveraux personally?” Jane let out a single tear. She had a reputation for being ‘Hard’, she seldom let her emotions out but her memories were simply just too painful, He always found a way. She hated Deveraux for this. She loved Deveraux for this. “Its more then that Gordon… sorry” Loeb got out of his chair, pressed stop on the recorder and hugged his old friend. He knew Jane from when she first started, before he became the Governor, and he knew her better than almost anyone. She only ever calls him Gordon when she needs him as a friend. “There there love, s’alright, do you want to continue t’morra?” asked Loeb. Her steely expression took over once more and she had almost become a different person. “I need to do this, the sooner we finish the better”. Loeb stood and pressed record once more. He had barely enough time to sit down before Jane had started to speak once more “I was fourteen, nearly fifteen at the time and Mr Deveraux had been kind to me. He always had time for me, and he always helped me…” she then says darkly “… and I was young, foolish, and in love”…
The Autumn has started bitter that year. The crispness was almost painful in the air, but Jane had always loved this time of year. The golden leaves dancing around her in the wind, the sun, as bright as it was in the summer left a kind warmth upon her but even so, it was a cold evening. Her Dad couldn’t collect her today so she was facing a dilemma over whether or not to walk or bus home. She looked back over at the Car Park and saw teachers hurrying to their cars. The last of the school buses departing. Then finally, she saw the ocean of vehicles part and there, in the midst of it all was that blue Ford Escort of Mr Deveraux. He looked up and saw her and he waved her over. Once summoned, it was all Jane could do to stop herself from heading toward him at a full sprint. “Is your Father not picking you up this evening Miss Byers?” a Cheshire Cat like grin of optimism struck his face. “He said he cant come tonight, I was going to bus it…” the way she said those words, obvious in her request for a ride “Oh pish-posh, I’ll take you. It isn’t far is it?” had it not been for her cheeks already being red from the cold, they surely would of done so just then “Really! Thanks” she opened the door and sat in the front, Deveraux did the same and locked the doors with the button on the side. She turned the key, the vibrations of the car surprising her. Her Fathers car was much quieter. He smiled at her and pulled out of the Car Park “So Ive been thinking Jane. Im not too much fond of your name…” she looked inquisitively at him, her eyebrow arching on one side like that ‘funny Alien’ she remembers watching with her Mother on TV when she was younger. “Well I cant do anything about it now can I?” asked Jane. Deveraux laughed “Well, as we are doing CS Lewis in English. How about ‘Alice?”. Jane found the name curious, but she accepted it, She had just leaned back into her chair and closed her eyes. Her dreams taking her far away from here and down her minds rabbit hole. The car suddenly screeched to a halt and Jane jerked forward, she barely had time to ask what happened when Deveraux was dragged out of the car by several police officers “Stephen Deveraux you are under arrest for the abduction of Mary White, Sarah Denning, Maggie Sawyer and Laura Moening” Jane gets out of the car and hurries over as he is being dragged to the back of a large van “Wait… Mr Deveraux. Where are you taking him?” two guards grab her and hold her back as Deveraux is locked away.
01:02 am January 14th 2011
“It was ten years before I saw his face again Gordon” Gordon Loeb put his chin in his hand and looked down at his notes “I remember ‘is case. They felt it unnecessary to burden yer family” there was a genuine apologetic tone in his voice but Jane chose to disregard it, she was tired of excuses “He was going to abduct me… he could of killed me. Or WORSE! They should of spoke to us not keep us in the dark. I was bullied and tormented at school for years because of him, when I saw that he had been released on bail I knew - I knew - he’d continue where he left off and I knew I had to do it alone”. Jane takes a deep sip of her water before brushing her hair back behind her ear. “What I don’t get, is ‘ow exactly did you find him Jane? ‘ow did you know where to look? This city is a big place you know” quizzed the Governor. Jane looked back at him, the slightest of glints had returned to her eyes, with a returned confidence she responded “I may never of gone there, but I was able to access his case files myself. I knew where he lived. I knew where the Mad Hatters Tea Party was…” replied Jane with certainty to her tone, she was defiant. She knew that what she was about to tell Loeb would be the final nail in the coffin of her subconscious and she could finally lay to rest those demons of her childhood.
20:24 pm, January 13th 2011
“This is Byers, I’m at the old Deveraux place checking up a lead. If I don’t call back in, in 30 minutes or so then send someone to get me… Guv, if your listening. I’m sorry, this is something I had to do” Jane puts the radio back on her dashboard and switches it off. She exhales and takes a few seconds to compose herself. She unlocks the door and heads toward the house, she doesn’t bother to lock the car again and leaves the door wide open. She has more important things on her mind. She makes each step with trepidation, every sound around her becomes quickly apparent. A cat knocking over a bottle startled her, the howl of wind forcing her to zip up her jacket and the clang of the metal gates outside his house. It was like a scene from an old Hammer Horror movie but worse, this was real. Normally she would kick the door down, bellow from the bottom of her gut but this time she did no such thing. Feelings of dread and fear washed over her body, her skin now white as winter snow showing a stark contrast to the now deep brown of her hair. Her fingers teased along the cold metal of the door handle, she came to its cusp and gentle pushed down. The door opened. Jane checked her watch, it was 8:30 so maybe he hadn’t bothered to lock up yet either… or he was expecting her. She quietly shut the door behind her. The walls looked wet but she had no idea why, almost like they were strokes to some sort of pattern but she couldn’t make it out “S-Stephen Deveraux. You are under arrest for the suspected abduction of…” the next words cut her off. The memories of his voice flooded back to her. “Twinkle Twinkle little BAT!” the lights turned off and she made a grab for her torch, when she next looked up she realised what the patterns where. Deveraux in his insanity had painted the walls in a Ultra Violet paint, each image from the “Alice in Wonderland” stories. She scuffled into what she believed to be the living room and looked around. Her torch was practically useless in his dark, dark enough that her torch couldn’t penetrate its deep powerful depths. She saw a figure, a shadow, move across Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee and she made a start toward it. She was able to feel a door frame and realised he had lead her to a corridor. She didn’t want to, but she walked further down and she started to make the outline of a Dragon like creature at the end, its face, painted across the door “… how I wonder what your at?” she felt him grab her and she didn’t struggle. Fear had frozen her solid, this made it easy for Deveraux to move her down the corridor himself and throw her toward the dragon door. She made out its imagine now, before she went through it she couldn’t be sure if the darkness was playing tricks on her eyes but she swore that the Jabberwocky had opened its mouth as she approached. She heard a door slam and Deveraux flicked a switch, dim lights hit the room. She stood frozen stiff but, still, from somewhere deep within, she was able to draw upon the last ounce of bravery to say “S-S-Stephen Deveraux. I am placing you under arrest, anything you say will be taken in evi…” he started toward her and squared up to her, their bodies tantalisingly close “Oh. I don’t think so Alice, not on my Unbirthday” he smiled that Cheshire Cat grin “You… remember me?” Deveraux motioned her sit, she still could barely move so He pushed her down onto a chair at his elaborate dining table “Jane Byers, year 9 English. However could I forget you Alice? The one who got away” Jane looked over at him, her psychology classes coming back her. He was playing games with her and she quickly realised it was either now or never, this would be her only chance to get back at him. THIS was to be her last chance at redemption. The smile, while still there on Deverauxs face, had none of the grandeur as before. Janes eyes lit up, she knew what had to be done “Let them go Deveraux. Now!” He stood out of his chair, he ran his hand across his slicked back grey hair and lightly messaged the back of his neck. He let out a short sharp laugh quietly to himself, like a murmur and turned to face Byers. He leaned right into her “Ask me again… please” She wasn’t going to back down, she could tell she’d gotten to him emotionally so she leaned toward him “Let those girls go… plea” he interrupted her defiantly “NO… besides, I don’t think they are in much state to leave” he moved his head toward another door, double bolted “What have you done to them?” asked Jane. This time troubled.
“Me? Oh nothing. I mean I offered them Tea and Biscuits… who’d of thought they didn’t like tea?” Deveraux quipped back “I heard the Human body can go days without sustenance, I think they’ve just hit four and a half” Deveraux laughed and then sat down. He grabbed the Tea Pot and walked over
“If I stay with you, will you let them go?” asked Jane. Deveraux stopped dead in his tracks. He stared at Jane and then back at the door. “You’ll stay? With me?” he had almost started to salivate at the prospect. “If it means those Girls are safe… then yes” Deveraux put the kettle down and spun in delight, dancing with himself as he goes “Oh taloo talay! You’ve made a Happy Hatter out of me!”. Jane looked at the kettle and then up at Deveraux. “I only like my tea hot” she smiled reassuringly and He nodded before heading into the kitchen to reheat the Kettle. Without moving she reached into her pocket and pressed the ‘call’ button on her Walkie Talkie. She then quickly pressed send and shut it off again quickly putting it in her pocket before Deveraux sees. He walks over steadfast and starts to pour a cup. “You’ve made me. So. Happy. How are you Alice my dear?”
“Oh… I’m just peachy” she quickly grabbed the boiling cup of water and tossed it into his face, she ran to the other side of the table hiding from a now blinded Deveraux “YOU BITCH! I’ll cut you open you little WHORE!” he fumbled around the room waving his arms manically, Jane had to keep ducking and weaving to avoid his reach until in the poor lighting, she stumbled allowing Deveraux to catch her arm and pull her close to him. He moved his hands away from his face, his red eyes glaring at her. His grimace quickly vanished, he coughed and the faintest trickle of red had ran down on side. Jane looked down and saw a butter knife, plunged into his chest, her hand, red from blood was now trembling. She pulled it out and Deveraux went down onto his knees. Jane held him as he collapsed. His dying moments staring into her “I just… wanted… a friend” Deveraux said before spluttering a final time. Other Police Officers had entered the building but Jane was oblivious to it all, she was deaf to the sounds around her and several officers kick the door to the basement down and they carry the missing children back up.
01:30 am January 13th 2011
“You ony did what were necessary. I’d of…”
“Done the same?” interjected Jane “Yeah, everyone keeps telling me”. Loeb stopped the recording and just sat looking at her “I’ve got all I need Jane. I want you to take as much time as you need, come back to work when your ready. I aint gonna rush yer” he smiled at her. Jane nodded and smiled back at him. No more words were spoken, Gordon understood and Jane had putting things behind her. She now could try and rebuild her life.
She reached the changing rooms and put on a new white shirt and handed the blood stained one to a Forensic. She grabbed her bag from inside the locker and took out a small golden locket. She sat on the bench and opened it and started to cry, her tears stop and a look of anger sweeps over her she then places the locket down on the floor before standing on it, smashing the glass frame to shards. She walks off and the torn up face of the man in her locket is all that remains. The same man who had caused her so much distress emotionally and psychologically throughout her entire life was able to bring her deepest feelings to the surface even in his death. She hated him for this. She loved him for this
So way back when I used to write lyrics. I couldnt play a guitar so I had to put them to tunes of other songs. This was written when I was at High School and I was going through a bad patch. To the tune “Tell me where did you sleep last night?” covered by Nirvana on their Unplugged album
How long, before, I slide away
and take you with me?
A day? A Month? A year? Well,
I guess it could be right now
Because self-appointed, judges judge
what they dont know
Self-appointed, judges judge me
for this is my insanity
I hope no one dies before me
I’m the cancer, you’re the cure
I hope they dont, put me in that dark room like before
I’ve been locked inside for weeks and, now I’ve only just
for that is my Insanity. I hope no one dies before me
How long before I slide away,
and take you with me?
You’re the cancer!
I’m the cure!
breaking your heart
has now become such a bore
This is my Insanity
I’m not giving it away for free
This is, my, Insanity
I hope no one dies
… before me
So I’m off to go watch cinematic genius in the form of The Room and R. Kellys Hip-Hopera (genuinely what he calls it) “Trapped in the Closet”
Reviews of both films to come imminently
I used to be this judgemental as a child, haha!
This is hilarious!
I miss her. So very very much. I honestly didn’t expect an argument with one friend would upset me like this. The thing is I developed a soft spot for her. It was just a drunken kiss that got out of hand and when I tried making a joke about it, it backfired and now not only is she never speaking to me again she is leaving Hull forever. I’ll likely never ever see her again. Does this make the pain easier to cope with? Of course not. I’m laying here crying myself to sleep in the hope that eventually I’ll fall unconscious and tomorrow somehow will be better. Fuck my life. I’d love to swap with someone else. Just when everything starts looking up again here I am feeling horrible again.
I met a wonderful wonderful woman (let’s call her Kim on this) who I want to see a lot more of and so far, so good. I’m building bridges again with my housemate Dawn and my relationship with my parents has probably not been this stable and good in years, but beyond that I have this. Had this. She has gone now. Nothing will ever alter that.
I miss her.
I miss Gill.
So my eye-liner looks awesome. I’m quite digging the goth look now, the only thing I’m missing is this girl I’ve taken a shine to. It’s more than likely innocent, there’s no reason for to think otherwise, but watching her leave with another dude was quite crushing :(
I digress. Goth make up for the win
I awake in this White tomb that has encased me
Again with no one here to embrace me
These linen sheets, a safety net for my heart
Best I remove these sad thoughts for a start
I can overcome this darkest hour
But the pill of release tastes ever so sour
Am I really so troubled I can’t be saved?
Of Harts not the King, instead I’m the Knave.
The sheets that were my net now have me encased
I accept it’s my life that He has defaced